Leadership
Observations From Where I Sit
Like many of you I have been grieved by the flood of news stories of leadership failures in the Church. There is no need for me to mention the names of the abusive pastors, their churches, and their denominations or associations. They are already all over the news. I do not desire to give any of these failed leaders any more publicity. This toxic outbreak of leadership abuse in not limited to a particular brand of Christianity. We are grossly offended by the stories of church leaders—both Catholic and Evangelical--abusing innocent children. Time and again we learn of out of control pastors who intimidate with their anger and lust for power as they disarm the people who are charged to hold them accountable with their charismatic personalities. We grow weary of their “me first” mentality instead of living out a “Christ only” leadership posture.
Why now? Why add to the countless
editorial comments? Because I believe this is an issue of incredible
importance. I have seen far too many dear people wounded by abusive pastors. I
have been disappointed by the lack of courage displayed by leaders who have feared
man more than God and have failed in their responsibility to care for the
Lord’s flock. I know that I am not alone in raising this issue. There are
others. For instance, I have been following the blog of my friend Brent Detwiler
(BrentDetwiler.com) who has displayed incredible courage in speaking out
against abusive leadership. Perhaps I can encourage you if you have personally
experienced the brunt of toxic, abusive leadership: There is hope for you!
I have been blessed to belong to
some really great organizations where leadership was as advertised—excellent! There
are many pastors, churches, and businesses that are getting it right. I’ve also
been negatively impacted by organizations where leadership was horribly
lacking. I want to offer you clarity and hope that you can have an effective
voice and speak out for what is true. A healthy, growing person does not just
become a victim in the face of challenging hardships. Unlike some, they thrive
when they begin to apply the antidote to the sickness of what I term,
“Leader-I-Tis.” In other words, they have learned how to Live Above The Fray. I’ve included some selections from my book.
I’ve learned a lot. I believe you can too.
Lets
begin with this thought:
There is
an epidemic of bad leadership in the worst of all places: The Church. The Lord
God has a very strong opinion of leaders who act badly:
“Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter
the sheep of my pasture!” declares the Lord. Therefore thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning the
shepherds who care for my people: “You have scattered my flock and have driven
them away, and you have not attended to them. Behold, I will attend to you for
your evil deeds, declares the Lord. Then I will gather the remnant of my flock
out of all the countries where I have driven them, and I will bring them back
to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply. I will set shepherds
over them who will care for them, and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed,
neither shall any be missing, declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 23:1-4)
LEADER-I-TIS
What is it?
Leader-I-Tis
is a horrible disease that attacks once healthy organizations and severely
impairs them, rendering them mostly ineffective and impotent. Leader-I-Tis is
the leading cause of broken relationships and the killing of vision in an
organization. Highly contagious, those without a strong backbone are highly susceptible
to infection. If detected early, there is a cure that may save the organization
from irrelevance. If Leader-I-Tis is ignored and rationalized away, a slow and
painful death of the organization is the certain outcome.
An excerpt from Living Above The Fray:
This leads to another early sign
that Leader-I-Tis is lurking right under the surface. There are some leaders
who lead, not out of courage and boldness, but out of fear and intimidation.
These leaders are afraid of the stronger personality in the room (the one who
yells loudest with words or with body language or both). Instead of standing by
one’s convictions, these timid leaders seek to avoid conflict at all cost. It
does not matter to them what they feel in their heart. What matters to them is
not to rock the boat but urgently seek to just get along and not be yelled at
by the leader. At the core of their being they want to be accepted and made a
part of the elitist club within the organization (even if it means losing all
dignity and self-respect). Leader-I-Tis, in its beginning stages sears the
conscience. It is a wound that cannot be seen by others on one’s skin. No, it
is far deeper and more damaging than that. Instead, the germ of Leader-I-Tis is
aggressive and can forever change the personality, the destiny and well being
of the stricken leader.
Leader-I-Tis grows in an
organization when personalities become more important than the greater good of
the organization. A self-serving culture is formed where the organization is
designed to meet the needs of its leaders instead of the leaders meeting the
needs of the organization. Instead of servant leadership being the expectation
of every leader, the organization’s leaders live a life of self-entitlement. It
is this sense of entitlement from leaders with Leader-I-Tis that drains the
very life out of the organization.
From Living Above The Fray (Pg. 15-16)
An excerpt from Living Above The Fray:
Another example of what some need cleansing from
false teaching is when toxic church leaders allow the self-promotion of a
pastor who becomes greater than the message of the cross. What may have been a
humble beginning may over time evolve into a personality cult (or using more
biblical terms, it is called idolatry). In some cases, there are some who are expected by the church
leadership to turn a blind eye to the personality cult the church leaders are
fostering. In some toxic churches, Jesus has been replaced by a leader’s charm
and manipulation. I’m sure that most leaders do not start this way, but a man
can only take so much adoration and worship until he (and his rabid fans)
actually believe the messenger becomes more important than the Message.
No doubt, a pastor may faithfully preach the
Gospel for many years and experience spiritual fruit. But because of his own
shallowness and insecurities he is willing to solicit the praise of others at
the expense of enabling a congregation to slip and slide into idolatry . . . of
him. His “teaching” from the pulpit may always come from the Bible, but his
desire to be a “rock star” will teach other things too.
We rightly think of false teaching as some gross
perversion of our sacred doctrines. But the personality worship of charismatic
leaders is also another aspect of false teaching. It is not strange to think that
since we live in a culture that promotes the adoration of athletes, actors, and
musicians, that some of this would seep into the culture of the western church.
If you are going to succeed and live above the fray, you’ve got to stick to His
Word and keep Jesus Lord of all.
Perhaps you are swimming in a toxic sea of “these
things” and need to be cleansed. Whatever you do, do not swallow the water.
Simply get out of the poison and cleanse yourself today. How does one cleanse
oneself? The cleaning agent is grace. Wash yourself with it.
"Then
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you
from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Ezekiel 36:25 (NASB95)
"Every
branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so
that it may bear more fruit. 3 "You are already clean because
of the word which I have spoken to you. John
15:2-3 (NASB95)
Therefore,
having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of
flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. 2 Corinthians 7:1 (NASB95)
Draw
near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and
purify your hearts, you double-minded. James
4:8 (NASB95)
If we
confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1
John 1:9 (NASB95)
From Living Above The Fray
(Pg. 46-48)
An excerpt from Living Above The Fray:
Narcissus
was a young man, according to Greek mythology, who was enamored with his
beauty. Staring into the stream, he leaned over and gazed with a power that
would not allow him to pull back. He became so mesmerized by his reflected
image that he became a prisoner of his own ego. He fell into the water and
drowned. And as the legend has it, he turned into a flower called the
Narcissus, which bloomed at the edge of the stream.
Narcissus is a myth, but his story
represents the kind of people we are to avoid. And may I add, the kind of
people we do not want to become! Some call them “center-stage people.” Another
descriptive word is “self-centered.” Some use the term “rock star” to describe
the narcissist. In the heart of hearts, the narcissist is convinced that the
world revolves around him or her and they see it as their moral obligation to
convince everyone around them of that fact.
We are engaged in a great struggle as we live in a
culture where we are supposed to get our own way, to do our own thing, and to
look out for number one—me. Perhaps without even realizing what is going on,
many have enabled the blind ambitions of those who wish to live unaccountable
lives. The way of the arrogant, the self-centered, the rebellious, and the
abusive is often celebrated (or at least tolerated), not always rejected. When
the life of the spiritual narcissist is accepted as the norm, “group think”
takes over and then any kind of rebuke is seen as judging or unfairly critical.
In this crazy world, political correctness has run amuck, even among people who
claim to be a Christian and go to church.
Now here is the danger of which Paul is writing.
The negative qualities, which are listed in the following verses, are
especially appealing to those who feel they are “entitled” because of their
position. Like a moth drawn to the flame, they do not think twice about being
lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, etc. Those who
have a serious case of spiritual narcissism are drawn to these attributes. In a
moment we are going to take a closer look at each one of these negative
characteristics, but before then, allow me to share a story with you that will
illustrate one way narcissistic leaders can bring harm to their organization.
I always
believed that bullies were confined to two places: on the school playground
during recess and on the school bus coming home. I also believed that once
young bullies grew up they would outgrow their innate need to keep on bullying
others. I was mistaken. Young bullies also grow up and remain bullies. They
have had plenty of time to refine their “art” as adults. One would think that
bullying only takes place in the school playground or on the job site, but in a
church? Really? Yes, really. That’s where I met my bullies.
There
are some people who use their “power” to manipulate others in order to get
their way. Leading out of fear and their own insecurity, the workplace bully
seeks to intimidate others to cower and bow down. The great and wonderful
Wizard of Oz is a revealing illustration of the classic bully. He was all about
himself in the bully mode when the curtain was closed. But it was brave Toto,
the wonder dog, who pulled the curtain back revealing a boisterous man who lost
all of his courage when he was revealed. The pulling back of the curtain also
gave instant courage to those who were being bullied. An important principle to
remember is that spiritual bullying can cause great harm and it needs to be
exposed. As the spiritual bully surrounds himself with his or her protective
entourage, danger looms for the disciple of Jesus. This passage of Scripture
reminds us of how serious it is:
And
men will rise up from your own number with deviant doctrines to lure the
disciples into following them. Acts 20:30 (HCSB)
There
are many deviant doctrines from which we can pick and choose. In this case, the
deviant doctrine I am underscoring is the personality cult, where people with
apparent good sense are deluded by the power of the spiritual bully.
From Living Above The Fray
(Pg. 68-71)
An excerpt from Living Above The Fray:
Here is what I learned about living above the
fray. There are no guarantees we will not go through times of intense suffering
at the hands of those who have all of the power in the room. Your situation may
be awkward and deeply troubling on so many levels. You may love where you work
but the work environment has become toxic. There may be many good people in
place but they fail to lead and protect you on their watch. You face a serious
choice of the heart: will you continue to be the victim or will you become the
victor instead? For us, the challenge is will we allow our negative experiences
to embitter us or will we rise to the occasion and walk in forgiveness?
Years ago, this is what I did. I prayed. For a
month I prayed these words for the man who so hurt and offended me, “God have
mercy on him.” I prayed this prayer
every day for two weeks. At the end of the second week, I added this prayer for
the other leaders who failed me to my daily office (prayer cycle): “God have
mercy on him and God have mercy on them.” I prayed this prayer for a week.
Then, in the fourth week I added this prayer for him and them with this: “God
have mercy on him and God have mercy
on them and God have mercy on me.”
By the end of the week of praying that prayer, the
Lord answered my prayer (and least I know He did for me). I believe that in God’s mercy He released me and in so doing
freed me from a place of spiritual bullying and emotional abuse to a place of
eventual restoration and renewal. If you want to live above the fray, you’ve
got to love the hard to love people and you’ve got to pray for those who have
hurt you and disappointed you. And just as important, you’ve got to pray for
yourself too.
From Living Above The Fray (Pg.
77-79)
For information how you and your leadership team can purchase
Living Above The Fray, please click on the link below.
“This book provides an
excellent how-to guide for overcoming our circumstances and becoming the
kind of leaders who practice what we believe.” ~ Dr. Lee Pearson / Director of
Operations, SC Institute of Medicine and Public Health
Books on workplace bullying,
spiritual abuse, and moving on to new beginnings
There
are an abundance of excellent resources on these topics. I’ve selected a few of
the books from my own leadership library that I have found to be very helpful.
Namie,
Gary & Ruth. 2009. The bully at work:
what you can do to stop the hurt and reclaim your dignity on the job.
Naperville, IN: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Johnson,
David & Van Vonderen, Jeff. 1991. The
subtle power of spiritual abuse. Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers.
Cloud,
Henry. 2010. Necessary endings. New
York, NY: HarperCollins.
Foyle,
Marjory. 2001. Honorably wounded: stress
among Christian workers. Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications.
Arterburn,
Stephen & Felton, Jack. 1991. Toxic
faith: understanding and overcoming religious addiction. Nashville, TN:
Thomas Nelson.
Enroth,
Ronald. 1993. Churches that abuse. 1993.
Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Enroth,
Ronald. Recovering from churches that abuse.
1994. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Essential Spiritual Growth Resources
from
Something New Christian Publishers
and Quality Leadership Consultants
Something New Christian Publishers
and Quality Leadership Consultants
Websites,
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You
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Praise For Living Above The Fray
“Denny has a tremendous heart for people, a very personal approach
and a great desire to be a leader of men.
Living Above The Fray is very much a case study for anyone who would be
curious about the inner workings of a non profit organization and the
challenges it presents.” ~ Dennis D. Wells M.Min., M.A., LPC / Wellsprings
Professional Counseling
“Denny
[has] walked me through what it means to be a disciple. He taught me about mentoring, boundaries, and
the richness of investing in others.
This book can be beneficial to men and women who desire to lead through
serving. Leadership skills are largely developed through experience. This book will provide leaders with an
opportunity to reflect and go deeper. In
our fast-paced society the importance of this practice is oftentimes
disregarded, from our prayer time, to our parenting, to our relationship
building, and unfortunately to our leadership development. Only when we slow down and take the time to
see and seek wisdom in these areas do we experience true and lasting growth.” ~
Erika Miller / M.S. Clinical Psychology
“I applaud you on
publishing this book and truly trust that many, both leaders and followers,
will benefit and be blessed by reading and following the 7 Leadership
Principles as a package strongly founded on Scriptural principles.” ~ Jack
Walker / Founding Executive Director of Leadership Ministries Worldwide, Former
Missionary Pilot and area director with Mission Aviation Fellowship
“This
book provides an excellent how-to guide for overcoming our
circumstances and becoming the kind of leaders who practice what we believe.” ~
Dr. Lee Pearson / Director of Operations, SC Institute of Medicine and Public
Health
“People are often unaware that they work in
environments that are unhealthy, or they know the environment is unhealthy but
can't understand exactly why. This book
by Denny Bates clarifies so many of the issues and contrasts them with a
healthy Biblical approach, giving readers the clarity and wisdom they need to
deal with circumstances where they are or to know what to look for as they seek
a healthier place to serve the Lord.” ~ Stacey Severance / Worship Leader
and Youth Pastor
“I have had the privilege of working with Denny
for many years. Denny always amazed me
at his insight and perspective in stressful and challenging situations. Denny has truly lived what he has written. I am thankful that I can call him a
mentor. If anyone has ever lived what
they have written about it is Denny Bates. I believe this book is best suited
for anyone who finds themselves in a challenging relationship situation,
whether it be personal or professional relationship.” ~ Reeves Cannon, M.A.,
LPC, BCPCCC
“I have
been reading Denny's books and blog for several years in addition to attending
his teachings on leadership. His ability to communicate via the written word is
extraordinary. He has a way of communicating that is second to none. He writes
and teaches based on his personal experience and lessons he has learned over a
30+ year career in both the private sector and the ministry.” ~ Lamar Younginer
B.S., M.S., / College Administrator
For Denny Bates” Living Above the Fray” is not
just a book of words about life. It’s the way he lives his life based on the
Living word of Life, which he proclaims in every counseling session, every
prayer, every encouragement for every one he meets and serves.” ~ Dick Brown /
President and CEO of Corporate Medical Services
“I have known Denny Bates for more than forty
years. I have watched him, as have
others, in order to study what a walk with Christ really looks like. Denny has set the bar high for the men around
him...and he hasn't tried to do this...it is just who he is. Denny can be seen regularly at coffee shops
and quiet corners mentoring men in their own walks with the Lord. I have seen Denny weather some tough storms
that would have taken most men down with the ship, but his constant faith in
the Lord he serves has allowed him to use those same storms to better equip and
counsel other men, young and old, as they sit under his surgeon like discipling
and training. I thank God for Dr. Denny
Bates and the man that he has helped me become.” ~ Wick Jackson / Sinner saved
by Incredible Grace Husband Daddy Owner of Black Mountain Development Group
Latin American Director of Envoy International
Email dennybates@gmail.com
www.dennybates.com
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